Joe Burrow Will Not Be a Bengal


When a player is described as a “generational talent”, this means that they have a combination of attributes and intangibles that comes around once in a lifetime. Small hands be damned, there seems to be a genuine consensus that Joe Burrow is the best quarterback and offensive player available in the upcoming NFL draft. Usually when someone is the best offensive player in the draft, it’s a given that they will be drafted #1 overall, but there are several scenarios where Joe Burrow is not the first selection in Las Vegas this April. All of them revolve around the Cincinnati Bengals being the Cincinnati Bengals.

Mike Brown owns the Bengals, following the death of his father, NFL legend Paul Brown, in 1991. Let me make this clear: Mike Brown is not qualified to run an NFL team, and is a beneficiary of one of my least favorite words ever: nepotism. Brown hired and inexcusably let Marvin Lewis run the team for 16 seasons without winning a single playoff game. After finally parting ways with Lewis, Brown then hired Zac Taylor, who has somehow found a way to become even more inept than his predecessor. I bring these things up because ownership and coaching are very important factors in NFL success, and the Bengals are not set up to succeed. It doesn’t make sense to send a generational talent somewhere he will very visibly fail.

Usually when a generational talent becomes available, it’s assumed that he will go to the worst team, which is usually the team with the #1 pick. Although I have zero evidence to back up this claim, I believe that Joe Burrow will never play a single game for the Cincinnati Bengals. Whether it’s by trade, or retirement, or flat-out refusal to play for the Bengals next season, Burrow will be plying his trade elsewhere. For the sake of NFL fans everywhere, Burrow will be rescued from living out an Ohio nightmare. Now someone needs to rescue the other guy playing quarterback in Ohio.

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