March Useless Observations

Hey,

A March full of madness has come and gone and now we’ve made it to April. This year is continuing to move forward at Mach speed as 2022 tries to somehow be shorter than 2020 and 2021 combined. It’s only right that I share with you my Useless Observations on National Ex On The Beach Day. Last month’s newsletter can be found here. Shall we?

• UO #1: First things first, all of my predictions from my March Madness newsletter have failed to come to fruition. This might actually be the worst bracket I’ve done in recent memory. I should’ve known that the powers that be would want Coach K to go out on top, and Vegas seemed to agree with that line of thinking.
• UO #2: Polar bears are the most vicious type of bear but because they’re white we view them as gentle giants. Polar bears come in contact with far fewer humans than their black and brown counterparts, and black and brown bears are only known to be aggressive when fishing or defending their territory. Polar bears are known to have zero fear and will actively hunt out prey of any size.
• UO #3: Who was the first person to invent oat milk or almond milk, and how long did it take before anyone believed them that it was actually milk?
• UO #4: No one chews gum anymore, and I can’t remember the last time someone offered me a piece of gum.
• UO #5: Snoop Dogg has had the best career in the entertainment industry simply by being true to himself. His best friends are Bishop Don “Magic” Juan and Martha Stewart, he coaches youth football, and he only raps about misogyny, violence and smoking weed. Snoop is equally comfortable streaming Madden on Twitch, hosting talent shows with Kelly Clarkson and Crip Walking. Snoop has been around for so long he had songs with 2Pac prior to his death and 2Pac died in 1996. Snoop became Rastafarian Snoop Lion for one album and beat a legitimate murder case with Johnnie Cochran as his attorney, also in 1996. Give Snoop his flowers.
• UO #6: Chicken noodle soup should be ashamed of saying they have chicken in their product and including those tiny little squares that look like Bacon Bits.

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