Pun Intended

I have a confession to make. I’m addicted to puns.

I first fell in love with puns in high school. I had a teacher named Mr. Dorneman that taught me U.S. History and Government, and he never met a pun he didn’t like. On Senior Teach Day I asked him if I could teach his class for the day and he allowed me to do so, and I tried to work in as many puns as I could for all 8 hours. I haven’t looked back since that moment and my love affair with puns grows exponentially each year. It’s something about the cleverness of puns that tickles my fancy, but I know that not everyone feels the same.

Compared to other types of comedy, puns don’t get the love and respect that they deserve. Puns are funny, but I have yet to see a comedian thrive using a routine of only puns. Puns are even being rebranded as Dad jokes when in reality I think most dads are infatuated with puns. Puns are the redheaded stepchild of comedy. Their only rival is ventriloquists. Ventriloquists don’t get enough love or hate, but I digress.

For today’s newsletter, I figured I’d post some of my favorite puns. Some are more convoluted than others, but regardless they all make me chuckle. Feel free to share any of your favorites that I may have missed, and make sure you go check out @standuptrex on Instagram. Like the deceased rapper Christopher Rios, let’s get into some big puns.

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
• To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
• Geology rocks but geography is where it’s at.
• A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Sadly, he lost his case.
• I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• I made a pun about the wind but it blows.
• Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
• My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
• England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
• What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
• The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
• There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though. He woke up.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed.
• My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
• Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning.
• What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.

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